No Boys Allowed
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: Misandry at its finest.


I don't own anything from Ben 10, nor do I claim. Boys are dumb. Throw energy inversion based displacement spells at them.

Charmcaster rested on her pink bed while kicking her bunny slipper clad feet up and down. She was in the midst of placing several invitations into their respective envelopes before magically dispersing them to their recipients. She giggled joyfully while applying several handfuls of glitter onto a freshly glued envelope.

"This is going to be the rockin'-est slumber party in the history of, like, forever!" she declared with the utmost confidence.

Suddenly, a knock sounded at the bedroom door. Charmcaster gasped and used a spell of invisibility to hide all the invitations.

"Yes, come in?" she called. Seconds later the door opened, revealing her uncle, Hex.

"Oh Charmcaster," Hex began cheerfully, "I'm going to be out late today, and might not even make it back until tomorrow. I trust you will be responsible and NOT throw any wild parties in my absence?" He glared at her.

"No, uncle. I won't," Charmcaster responded while rolling her eyes.

"Make certain you don't." Hex wagged a finger at her. "I don't want any of your miscreant friends damaging my expansive and ancient mystic items. Now take care! There's leftovers in the fridge." He shut the door.

"My uncle is such a buzzkill," Charmcaster sighed. She waited until Hex left the area completely before cancelling the invisibility spell and resuming her task. "But no one is going to wreck my plans for this awesome party!"

She snapped her fingers once all the invitations were finished, and sent them teleporting to their individual recipients.

(One hour later)

The guests arrived in unison at the home of Hex and Charmcaster. Charmcaster greeted them with a smile.

"S'up, girlfriend!" spoke the female Circus Freak, Frightwig, while making a sassy pose. She had very goth looking black and red pajamas with long striped knee socks.

Rojo was next to her, wearing cute red and pink lacy pajamas instead of her traditional biker gear or alien armor suit. A pink unicorn sleeping bag was held under her arm. "This party better not suck."

Attea, Teen Supreme, stood next to the others, looking rather bored. "I had nothing better to do, so that's why I'm even here." She was wearing purple pajamas. She had a bunch of CDs. "Hope your taste in music is as good as mine." She walked inside.

EightEight, the female Sotoraggian bounty hunter, stepped up onto the front stoop. She spoke in her typical dialect. She wore purple and black pajamas, but had the same face mask on. She brought with her a huge bag of tortilla chips and a jar of salsa.

"Glad you could make it, girl!" Charmcaster said before high fiving her. EightEight went in and joined the others.

Catgirl weeaboo extraordinaire, Nyancy Chan, arrived with several cats trailing behind her. "Come on, guys, I told you, this is girl's night! You'll have to stay outside." She attempted to shoo them away. Her pajamas were white and light purple, with pink trim. They had Japanese neko faces all over them. Her pillow was shaped like a Doraemon, and her sleeping bad was adorned with cute anime cats as well. "I brought Pocky and all of Hetalia on DVD!" She squealed and ran inside.

"Wait, why did I invite her again?" Charmcaster wondered to herself. She shrugged.

A huge form filled the doorway. Charmcaster looked up to see Suemungousaur. "Hey," said Suemungousaur simply. She somehow managed to cram herself through the door without doing major damage to the framework.

"It's not my fault, the show doesn't have the widest selection of female villains," Charmcaster sighed.

Her guest list was complete, and no one had RSVP'd. Charmcaster closed the door.

"Dude, you didn't invite any boys to this snorefest? I thought you said this was going to be the greatest party ever? Are you kidding me?" Attea complained.

"Hey, who needs males? They're good for nothing sperm banks," Rojo retorted.

"Says the dick-hating lesbian," Attea said, as her eyes rolled.

"Yeah, I do? So what?" Rojo responded angrily.

"Hetalia is chock full of hot bishi boys!" Nyancy Chan exclaimed. "That's why it's my favorite."

"Figures the only dudes you'd be into would be fictional," Attea snickered.

EightEight said something, causing Rojo to exclaim, "Ooooh, sick burn!" They high-fived each other.

"Wait, what did she say?" Nyancy Chan wondered aloud.

"Girls, girls...and Suemungousaur," Charmcaster said, as she came between them all and broke up a potential fight, "There's no boys because, one, I wanted this to be a special girls-only get together, and, two, if I did invite the guys, they'd probably be the ones to blow everything and break something, so my uncle Hex would find out I'm having a party when he told me not to."

"If you need a man to validate everything you do in your existence, that's your problem," Rojo continued.

Attea trembled with rage. "I do NOT need a man to validate my existence! I just get bored being around a buncha tits, sometimes, okay? Unlike you."

"Okay, how about we look through Celeb's 100 Hottest Men issue and decide which ones we think are the hottest?" Frightwig suggested, as she pulled out Charmcaster's collection from under the bed.

"Why not the Playgirls instead?" Attea joked. "Those would be under there, right?"

Charmcaster scowled at her. "Hey, I have more self-respect than that."

EightEight said something, and everyone else shrugged and began to look through the magazines. Soon they were cooing over the many conventionally attractive hot white dudes. Except for Rojo, who was looking pissy and left out.

(30 minutes later)

The ladies were busy giving each other makeovers when the doorbell rang.

"Pizza guy!" Nyancy Chan yelled. Her face looked like a Geisha. It wasn't because she tried to have that particular look done to her, but merely because EightEight did not fully comprehend how to apply makeup correctly to a human female.

"I'll get it," Charmcaster said. She got up and began to exit the room. Attea followed her, until she pushed her aside.

"I wanna see if he's hot!" she asserted.

"Me too!" Frightwig said.

"Uuugh, fine, we'll all go," Charmcaster said.

They arrived at the door. Charmcaster opened it. All three of the ladies gasped.

"That's not a pizza guy!" Attea yelled, upon viewing the ominous figures outside the door. "This is not what I wanted!"

Doctor Animo, Sublimino, Clancy, Acid Breath and Thumbskull, Fistrick, and Albedo appeared on the front stoop of Charmcaster and Hex's home.

"What are you all doing here? How did you find out about my party?" Charmcaster demanded.

Frightwig pointed at her villainous compatriots. "You guys spread it, didn't you?"

"Of course. We weren't going to sit around with our thumbs up our asses while you went to an awesome party," Acid Breath responded. "But we figured it wasn't going to be that awesome with a bunch of girly gunk as the focus, so we brought along some bros to rock things up a few levels."

Fistrick stuck his hand in the air and headbanged. "BROS!"

"This would be cool if any of you guys were hot, but you're ALL UGLY!" Attea complained.

"Look who's talking, frog face," said Clancy.

"Shove it, Freakazoid!" Attea countered.

"Come on, Charmy, let us in. You know you can liven up this joint with a little testosterone," Fistrick said.

"No way! You're not on the guest list, this was supposed to be a GIRL ONLY event, and you'd probably just wreck the place with your stupid testosterone," she responded.

"Misandry!" Sublimino shouted. "Way to be sexist brats. You think you're better than us?"

"So what if we're not invited. Let's crash this party!" Doctor Animo said. He rode in on a giant mutated iguana.

"YEAH!" the other guys yelled.

Albedo shrugged and followed them in. "I'm too smart to associate with this rabble, and their ignorant shenanigans, but I'll stay to watch the mayhem unfold anyway, because I enjoy destruction and stupid people being funny."

"HEY!" Charmcaster yelled.

"Where's the food?" Thumbskull asked. He saw a table full of snacks and began to obliterate it. He left crumbs and messes everywhere.

"Whoa, what the fuck? Why did this turn into a DICKFEST all of a sudden?" Rojo yelled.

"Boys! Ew, ugly boys," Nyancy Chan observed. "Well, the one guy has sexy white bishonen hair...I suppose he's kind of acceptable. All I have to do is imagine him really, really bishi and cute!" She closed her eyes and began to invent an acceptable scenario feverishly.

"I swear, I can't do anything without you assholes fucking it up," Frightwig groaned.

Fistrick began to flex his muscles. "Look at all this pink, fluffy girly shit! How weak and feminine! Let's put on wrestling," he said, as he grabbed the remote and switched the TV to the appropriate channel. "Or even better, there's a gory horror slasher filled with mindless violence and titty shots! BRO!"

"I like titty shots," Sublimino responded. He jumped on the bed and got comfortable.

"Hey, me too," Rojo agreed. "I might as well have something to enjoy, now that this party has gone to shit." She sat on the floor in front of the bed and waited for hot naked titty action scenes that overall contributed nothing to the plot of the movie.

Clancy released a bunch of bugs onto the carpet, causing Suemungousaur to scream and stand on a chair, which immediately broke.

"Ew, ew, gross, bugs!" she yelled.

Clancy laughed. "They're just a great part of nature, baby. Wanna see something else that's a great part of nature?"

"Animo, get your giant lizard out of my personal bathroom!" Charmcaster ordered, once she observed the man's unsupervised mutant in the room. The iguana was drinking out of the toilet while Doctor Animo was rummaging around her bedroom closet. "And GET OUT OF MY CLOSET!"

Doctor Animo pulled out a collection of personal massagers and looked them over. "Hey, could I borrow a few of these? Me and Argost haven't been seeing each other for a while."

"Give me that!" Charmcaster shouted. She grabbed her devices while blushing fiercely, and stuffed them back in the bottom of the closet. "No, you can't!"

"Oooh, so taboo, such yaoi!" Nyancy Chan squealed to herself. She began to imagine dirty interspecies fanfiction ideas between the mad scientist and the sadistic yeti. "Somebody, give me a pen and paper, quick! I didn't bring my laptop!"

"Pipe down! We're trying to watch this," Sublimino demanded.

Acid Breath laughed until drool came out of his mouth and burned the carpet. "Oopsie," he said, but didn't mean it.

Thumbskull had devoured all the snacks on the table. "Where's the beverages?" He went off to look for them when no one responded to his query.

EightEight said something that roughly translated to wondering why her two idiot brothers didn't show up to crash the party. Then she wittily responded that she recalled warning them if they did, she'd kill them, and they wouldn't even see it coming. At least her brothers respected her terrifying power.

"Oh, man, uncle Hex is gonna kill me! You stupid bastards!" Charmcaster cried in fury. She casted a spell and threw it at the male Circus Freak. It missed him when he jumped out of the way and blew a hole in the wall. Charmcaster gasped.

"Yeah, he probably is now!" Acid Breath snorted. "You did some major property damage there, genius."

"No one's a better genius than I!" Doctor Animo snarled. "Not hocus-pocus girl, that's for sure." He waved his fingers at Charmcaster tauntingly.

"Of all the idiot men here...I...HATE YOU TWO GUYS...THE MOST!" Charmcaster screamed. She stomped her foot.

"Fight, fight, fight!" Attea and Rojo chanted. Fistrick joined in. Albedo did the same after a few minutes of debate.

"Bring it on, girly! My mutant will destroy you in one hit!" Doctor Animo boasted.

"My magic will destroy you, and your stupid monster mutant in one hit!" Charmcaster declared.

"No," came a voice from behind them, "I'M going to destroy you, and everyone else, Charmcaster!"

"Oh no! Uncle Hex! Y-you're home early?!" Charmcaster cried.

"What was THIS doing in my kitchen, making a huge mess, and leaving stains all over the place?" Hex growled. He held Thumbskull by the back of the neck, who looked innocently sheepish, and shrugged. His mouth was stained with various liquids. "And who are all these hoodlums in my domain! Causing damage to the property!" he said, upon viewing the damaged walls, burnt carpet, general disarray, and various messes and stains. "Well? Care to explain, Charmcaster?"

"Um," Charmcaster began while thinking very hard of an excuse. "This is a DREEEEAM! You are dreaming all this, and none of it is REAAAAL!" she attempted, while waving her hands around.

"Lame!" Fistrick yelled through his hands. "Try again, this time with more effort."

"It's all Doctor Animo's fault?" Charmcaster suggested.

"Is not!" Doctor Animo whined.

Everyone else had jumped out the window and fled for their various lives while Hex was yelling at Charmcaster.

"Well, since you're the only one left besides Charmcaster, I'll take my anger out on you both," Hex declared, before shooting them with a huge blast of red energy. "EXPLODICA OREODIUM!"

"Aaaaaaaah!" Doctor Animo yelled while flying through the air. He hit the wall and slid down it. He groaned before falling unconscious. He did not shit his pants.

Charmcaster made an energy barrier spell in the nick of time which reflected her uncle's attack. "Uncle Hex, you're so MEAN! You never let me have any fun, and it's not my fault the place got wrecked, I only invited my friends and the boys crashed the party, and THEY wrecked everything!"

"Too bad. Now you can make everything up by losing your allowance for 20 weeks, and also, you are grounded, young lady!" Hex scolded her.

Just when they thought things couldn't get any worse, Hex went to his bedroom. He found Suemungousaur and Clancy having sex on his bed.

"MY EGYPTIAN COTTON SHEETS!" he yelled.

THE END!


End file.
